life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
