she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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