Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
