Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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