today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
