I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
