I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
