sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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