He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
