Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
