Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
