My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This is not my ceiling
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.