Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
