Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we're so committed to being not committed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.