So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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