You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
