3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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