and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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