the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
