I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
