Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
