i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
