You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
