No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
