I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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