Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
