Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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