I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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