Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
