I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off