At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.