i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.