I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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