My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
