I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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