the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize