I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Vodka?
Forever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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