1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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