What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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