Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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