He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
