Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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