it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
cat food counts as protein by the way
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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