I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
