how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
