was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So squirting runs in the family.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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