it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
