Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
