he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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