The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
