theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
MIDGETS
????
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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