i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
