Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
