Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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