the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My day in three words: secret purse cake
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize