If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
