Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
