I am spending my child support on dildos
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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