I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
