You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Come see our sink grown plant.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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