I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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