I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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