He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.