just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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