my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.