i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!