with your own penis?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar