So drunk its hurt
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
