I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
