Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
