So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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