she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm at about main and main street
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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