She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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