i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
