yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
