Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
