Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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