Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize