I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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