yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
