Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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